He Said...

Nothing just held my cheeks and kissed me after 28 years apart.  I believe I was going to say "hey, here you are" or something lame like that.  It was the most romantic moment of my life...it lasted too briefly. That perfect moment, this single man who said he had not gone 3 days without thinking of me for 28 years, the immediate connection, the immediate hours passing as seconds...the way he felt wrapped around me...the things we had in common...we had both told friends that we wanted to take a BBQ trip through the south both to be laughed at, we had both had near death experiences, we both love Bryan Ferry "Avalon"....these coincidences were like shooting stars.  We looked at each other as if "how can this be"...you see we had a connection when were 20 years old.  Not the most healthy but it was real...looking back not so wonderful for him...i was in a foursome not of my choosing but to more be the sidekick for my overbearing and insecure "best friend"...to this day i cannot remember the name of the guy i was seeing...the fourth of the group...i do remember his Polo cologne...reeked!

Across the room i would see HIM...yet i could not break away...he could see me and only wait longingly.  We made a pact...you be here when i call and i will be there when you do.  The rest of the 3 made his life hell for hanging around the ice cream parlor i worked in.  I loved his company.  He made me feel safe.  We spent most of our time out at night...we both loved to run...he loved to run behind me...we talked...we became "friends with benefits" long before the term was coined and used in sitcoms.  The best kisser of my life.  I guess you could say i was a "cheater" but in my mind i was not cheating...i was just a forth in a pack not contributing much...complacent much of the time.  Stolen kisses in the pantry of his family home.  Sex in my MGB, the ice cream parlor...him writing on my second story bedroom wall in shoe polish.  He tried to show he cared but dare step close and his guard went up...thinking he would end the butt of some cruel joke.  I moved on to other boys...he watched...I made dates...he watched...still we had our late night meetings...he was sweet...chocolate and champagne sweet...but he had a goal and that was sex.  But we talked and we talked and we kissed and we had that sex....eventually i woke up.  I approached him about an "us"....always having been sarcastic he replied "aren't we just fuck buddies?"...my first true heartbreak...he tried over and over to take that back but some rolling door like in front of a city deli began to come down.  He showed up with perfume...i lit up...immediately he stated "dont tell anyone"...door went down further...time and again he tried to go back and correct his first answer yet each time it rang less true.  The door rolled down further.  To walk towards this boy i loved, trusted, wanted, cared about, "knew" was someone to be in my life was to walk into quicksand.  There was a final moment and a slap...he walked away.  In motion was my change.  I left for NYC and the world i knew here...he went to college....

There is so much more...but right now i cannot...the pain is too overwhelming...