My Tribe...


Some people come, some come and go quickly, some stay and some you know are always there...each has their role for both sides...tonight one of my dearest, most connected to....yet don't see all the time but know he is always there....popped into my head...sent text...he had been thinking of me today (yesterday) as well.  He has a fast motorcycle and I thought after a hard day wouldn't it be nice to take it out...we did...you know that scene in Star Trek where they reach 'warp speed' and the stars are flying past leaving trails?  That was how it felt on one straight away...over to Santa Cruz...my Ipod playing under the helmet...weaving in and out of traffic...felt like 'pure freedom'....I have no fear of riding on the back of a motorcycle...in fact LOVE it...fast, slow...meandering...went to the ocean...sat under an almost full moon in the company of someone who makes me feel 'calm' which is no small feat for me or someone else...he is part of my 'tribe'...those that forgive, don't take things personally, don't seek revenge, call you "crazy" when you are acting it but are not cruel about it...hug you when you need it...listen when you want to talk...know that you are not necessarily seeking answers, just an ear...and you would do the exact same for them...have "aha" moments with...they aren't afraid of your secrets and you aren't afraid of theirs...he used the word 'empathy' tonight...a word i have used a lot recently...but mostly in the form of 'so and so lacks empathy'...without empathy you are missing 98% of life...things like that...slowly I am rebuilding my tribe...and from them I will both learn and re-learn parts of myself that I have forgotten or have numbed into almost non existence...I am constantly blessed and reminded to have gratitude...I hope like hell that he can get away to meet me at the pyramids when I get there...he has always like me...wanted to see them...stand next to them...experience the magnitude of their size which anyone who has gone tells me is what blew them away first...television just can't capture how huge they are...the blocks alone...I love re-finding people you love just as they are and they do the same right back at you...thank you my friend for tonight...it was perfect...


My mother had left a message while we were gone...a beautiful message reminding me that even though we have not been close...she wanted me to know I am not alone in all the change I am going through...though she lives half way across the country wanted me to know I am not alone in all this change that as exciting as it is to begin has its' pains and heartaches as well...she is part of my tribe...and not just because she is my mother...talk about learn and relearn...we have had many bouts of that to love one another being so different from each other...yet so similar...every daughters nightmare...I made a promise to myself tonight to not listen any longer to those who say..."but she wasn't there for you..."she didn't for you this or that"...."she never"...usually when I am thinking selflessly and want to help her....or so that I don't reach a hand out to her and instead exact some sort of revenge...always against what my heart says...and instead look at her as the product of her own mother who was the product of hers on back through time...if I don't change the pattern who will?  But, not having children myself I can only pass it on to my tribe...recently someone said to me "Let's just be nicer to one another."...so simple and so right on...


I am not a young woman any longer...my heart is still mending from the person I thought was "My One"...but each day my little tribe grows...with them and time my heart will heal..."I'll just be nicer to everyone"...seems a good place to start...