In Love With Creation....

I have found myself in this world where what i love to do is part a community...a word I have written before has been in my mind before I fell into hell...these people who are that community...it thrills me to see people...mostly women and one man...creating from the heart and sharing themselves so openly...again I am the "featured artist" at a store with a collection of "artistic types"...while i was mired in self pity they were going forward with what i thought of 3 years ago...and by the sheer grace of God I am included...find myself doing what I do best "take beautiful things and put them together in a way that shows off their beauty"....it is my gift...a gift that is driving me towards as my friend said "on the verge of something huge"...sharing ideas...seeing the vision of another...telling them to "have no fear" when they admire the way I can paint something...some of these people are in a universe of their own yet they admire what I do...and in turn I admire what they do...think they are so much better than I am yet they stop and admire what I do...and what comes from my heart...what comes from me looking at something and seeing beauty where others see trash...that comment right there also encompasses the way I look at people as a whole...part being a Libra...part being the product of such cruelty...seeing people at their ugliest...the people who you are to trust the most...people who know just the right words to say at just the right time...yet the words are ugly and empty in the end...then I see someone "true of heart"...no matter their status in life...their income...homeless...successful by society terms...been hurt so deeply they can't let go and a bit of my heart heals because I can relate...I can listen...I can give when I think there is no more to give...in return i feel lighter...safer...more confident...more connected...in the end we are all searching...

Creating...as I do...saved my life...it was not a person...it was the sheer act of making something beautiful from something ugly that saved my life...and in that I see so clearly that I have to leave all my ugliness behind...the darkness I have seen, heard, been the "whipping boy" of and just create...create myself...give to those that are on the same life plane as myself...for the last 3 days I have been immersed in these people...being given the front and center space I am visited by everyone as I set up what I do...each day I say "have no fear"...those words are sinking in... today a woman came in with a piece of furniture she painted and she told me I just heard you say..."NO FEAR"...and I did it...is there anything better in life than to build someone up?  Is there anything worse than to tear them down?

Deep in alcoholism...I tore at people...in hopes I would feel better...forgetting everything I loved about life...I am so deeply sorry...I will repeat this over and over until I forgive myself...life has a way of giving you a second chance...have the courage to recognize it...it will fade, grow, overwhelm, seem to die and old ways and people will want to sneak back in during those cracks...but with courage you will not let them...paths open before us...it is up to us to step on and use our "grown up" words...no half truths...and move on...close a door...let go of the familiar because sometimes the familiar is awful yet we can still be comfortable there knowing just how it will go...how it will feel...how it will end...the part we will play in it...victim, power grabber, liar, controller, "player", poor sad me...but, but, but look at what he/she did...in times like those I am forever grateful to "create"....in all ways...

Someone sent this -
Just say what you mean and mean what you say.  Don't expect someone to read your mind and don't play games with heads and hearts.  Don't tell half truths and expect trust when the full truth comes out.  Half truths are no better than lies.  Don't be cold to someone you care about, cause indifference hurts more than angry words.

My take...anyone who shuts you out when you are reaching out and can't/won't use their "grown up" words or chooses silence is NOT WORTH A MOMENT MORE OF YOUR LIFE......