Countdown...


13 days left in the house...no home I have been in so long...today I had the opportunity to spend a little time with the husband half of the couple buying it...made things a bit easier for me since he loves the exact things about this house that I do...to be honest I have not made it easy to complete this transaction...there were promises made...sure i referenced those somewhere along the line...those promises made did not come to fruition...guess was wishing for a Hail Mary...but it didn't come...the only reason though that i even wanted a Hail Mary was because this house is so damn wonderful...but I made it that way...plus it does have great bones...great brick work...later in the day the wife half came for one of the quotes...Never one to shy away even after making an ass of myself I went to talk to them both...she immediately said she felt SO lucky to be able to buy this house...all bad feelings gone...all anger gone...all hate gone...that comment alone combined with the time her husband and I spoke and I watched him being a first time home buyer remembering back to when I was there...sharing stories...showing old pictures while he waited... making suggestions...feeling still connected for these last days...


Ok...so boring I know...here I will make it even worse...with all the crap I have gone through these last couple of years up until...Mr. I have loved you for 28 years, I'll loan you the money to save your house...blah, blah, blah...came and had a fiance on the side who owns his very soul...something of course i wasn't told nor was the therapist i took him to so he would KNOW me and what I had been through....funny that the alcoholic had to take these grown up steps...while the sober with responsible job was the liar...yikes...obviously still fighting this one...here is what i was getting to...I actually 'sold' the house 'did not lose the house'....should have been in foreclosure a year ago...either i am the luckiest homeowner or it was meant to be saved by me or it was meant to be sold...so it is sold...so i get to walk with money...when so many others don't...why me?...there must be something i am supposed to be doing on this planet...first and foremost...no more 'vampires'...thank you....not the movie version...the life version...I wiped your tears when you learned to cry held against my broken life and in arms that could not even hold myself any longer...I held you while you finally mourned your mother...me the alcoholic showed you that you were not made of stone (sorry to repeat this gotta get it out) yet you could turn on a dime and rip me to shreds, lie, deceive, confuse, degrade, attack...dang...gotta stop writing...it is going all back to him and I need that to end...come to terms with being a 'revenge pinata' for him...LOVE so far from the equation...be grateful...be grateful that so many new people have come...this is your test woman...can you let go?....can you see beauty in others and stop the obsessing over one of 7 billion people on the planet?....stop the cycle of abuse?....see yourself as others see you?...see yourself as you know you can be, have been and not give that fat *$!# another moment of your time?....can you break a lifetime habit?....this is the only reason he entered your life again...so take the opportunity to DO IT...."balls to the wall" right?....or as recently told...the only way it will end is to "know it has ended and tell yourself all day long"....ok...#468..."It is over, it never was"....#469..."It is over, it never was"....going to go pack my winter coats....