It's been since June since i could sit down at the computer and write? That sounds so right...because only as of the 14th have i been released from the vice grip of a demon straight from hell...
Actually a few demons...one stands upright, hairless ; ) like a human...but not any longer...even some of the last words said were..."I have changed...you didn't"...knowing what i knew, felt, died over, heard, got lied to about, made to feel crazy over...i knew it was meant as a compliment...of the highest..."most insightful person i have ever known" = sees through your bullshit.
Or she was just racking up what "He's gonna pay this time." actually equated to in dollars, houses, cars, early retirement, control...I was not the first...I was "this time some high school girlfriend."....guess the others were of a higher caliber...or scarier...strippers, hookers and the like can be heartless...which i am not...
So i fell into the snake pit...hook, line and sinker...saw with my own two eyes...but with a Sociopath and increasing vodka intake...things get blurry...some things...with me...lies will never slip by...letting of course buckets of other stuff slide by...
This was the intended outcome from the first parking lot kiss. Yeah, so...what do i do now? Where do i go? Who do i become? Am i on jesus's side or am i just riding down the middle of the road...no side picked...the one that has to be is adios...he who i knew...never was all that crazy about...didn't miss all these years...kissed really well but that size issue...remember it from back then and there it was again...plus you are so fat...ok I'm a drunk...but i can pull it together and put on shoes other than flip flops...my most hated man "thing" since i could remember...men who wear flip flops all year round..no matter how white the feet get...pigeon toes or not...and the nylon...what's with that?
Then there was the story of the pinkie rings and Caddy's...cigars....Las Vegas...yuck...gets worse by the minute...house in AZ retirement development? Hope to turn it over...know you got lots and lots and lots of property...I lost my home remember? knowing now who holds the purse strings, got your balls in a vise, actually has been waiting 8 years for you to pony up and split everything 50/50.
Watched you pussy out on anything in that direction. You stole a year i will never get back and all you have to do is grovel...write a check...all is well...
Revenge...sorry puppy dog eyes...sorry you chased...you got ridiculed when actually it was me who was with you and he who's name still eludes me at the same time...quick kisses...pantries...parking lots...droopy shoulders across the room...doing all my bidding...including dating others...younger sisters of guys i was dating...working...wasting hours to be in the same work place as i was in...your sarcasm falling short every time...this time you can tear, rip...but sooner or later your heart breaks and you are there consoling...remember whole new house because "that whore was in my kitchen"....
Not a lot of time left...be sure this is how you want to live it...
YUP...you changed and i did not...thank you GOD...thank you, thank you, thank you....
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